Passion or Cash?

February 20, 2009

While on my vacation I kept checking my work email to see if a project I have been waiting for had come through.  It hadn’t.  As we got closer to the return home I started to draft an email to follow up on said project.  As I typed I found that I didn’t really have much to say because I was, afterall, on vacation. So I decided to hold off until I got home.

Later that night I was talking with my brother about the project, work overall, and how it is influencing my outlook on life.  And the truth became glaringly apparent: I don’t care about the project just as I don’t really care about the work I have been doing recently.  It is not particularly interesting to me nor is it what I want to be doing professionally.  Basically it is work for money.

Now I know that is what work is supposed to be.  But professionally I have always worked on issues that I was passionate about- even if it meant making less money (an issue for another post)- and that meant a lot to me.  So now that I am doing work that I am not passionate basically just so we can bring in some extra cash I am finding that it is no longer fulfilling me.

I know that I am doing this work so that it is possible for me to be home with the baby and I am incredibly lucky to be able to do that.  But somehow that just isn’t enough these days.  I want work that makes me feel like I am contributing to the world, like I am making some sort of impact.  

So yet again I am back at the balancing act question.  How do I manage to balance all of the things that I would like to do with reality?  Is it possible or just a pipe dream? If I continue to do the kind of work I am doing will I be able to get back into my real life later? And when will this boring-ass set of questions be answered?

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