The grass is always greener

March 5, 2009

A friend pushed me a bit on some of what I said in More Pot Roast, Honey? and it led to my admitting that one of my greatest struggles/failings(?) is accepting things as they are.  I am constantly on the look out for something better.  A lot of this is based on a fear that I made the wrong choice.  

A prime example, I spent my entire four years of undergrad wondering if I should have gone Brown instead of Haverford.  Now, at Haverford, I had great friends, I was getting a fantastic education, and I was able to take a leadership role in a lot of different activities.  But I always wondered about what I was missing in my alternate-universe life.  And, truth be told, I still wonder how my decision affected where I am today (to be clear, and to avoid any possible uncomfortable conversations with my husband, not in terms of my family- I love you guys- but in terms of career).

These days, I often wonder what my life would look like if I had chosen to work full-time, pushing forward with my career.  And the truth is, when I really think about it, I would miss my child terribly, I would feel guilty about leaving him in day care, I might be worrying about job security in this economy, and I would be wondering what my life would be like if I had chosen to work part-time from home. 

And therein lies the rub-- There is no ideal.  There is no perfect option.  But there is what the reality is and accepting it.  And there is the ability to be grateful for the fact that I am able to choose- that I have that luxury.  A choice that many women don't have.

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